For the past few weeks I have been feeling rather disconnected from my partner, emotionally. The other night something happened that drew us closer together; it felt like magic, but it was so simple, it was silence. For so long I have been trying so hard to make things better, doing things I hope will help the situation when he’s stressed, tired, or just having a bad day. I feel so helpless when I can’t make him, or myself, feel better. It’s my natural instinct to do and take action. If it doesn’t work I end up feeling resentful and irritable, anxious and useless. I am sure most of us can relate to this to some degree, but last night I learnt something. Instead of jumping to my natural instinct to try and make him feel better when he told me he’d had a stressful day, I just leant over and gave him a hug, and let him hold me in his arms. It felt really good to just be present with him, feel his warmth and support and show him he has mine, words weren’t necessary, the feeling of closeness was enough, I took the time to take a step back and really savour his touch, the different textures of his skin, clothes, hair, and the brush of his lips on mine as he kissed me. It felt wonderful to let go and just be with him, as me, everything that I am.
He leant back and complimented my funky dress sense, something I am renowned for, and instead of doing my usual and brushing it aside, I smiled and accepted it, really appreciating how much it meant, that he accepts and loves me, just the way I am, as I do him.
Now I feel reconnected and comfortable, with myself and in his presence, without saying a word. I feel supported and I feel sure that he knows he has mine. An unspoken conversation passed between us in that moment and now the energy has shifted to being very positive.
It wasn’t long after that a conversation passed between myself and his best friend, who he has lived with for over nine months now. We were discussing my partner’s funny ways and how we are quite an eccentric couple, with particular reference to the unusual balance of our masculine and feminine energies, his best friend then commented that this is one of the reasons why we make a good couple.
A couple of weeks after that, whilst organising for his Mum’s 60th birthday party – which was a great success I am pleased to add! (more of that in a later post), his sister told me, in a roundabout way, that she approved of me. After being warned by my partner that his sister is very protective and had taken a disliking to some of his previous girlfriends, which she openly admitted, I am feeling rather chuffed. It feels comforting to know that two of the people he is closest to have accepted me for who I am and feel that we are well suited and good for each other.
In fact, this is a notion that is shred by both parties, all of my friends and family only have good things to say about my partner and our relationship and I couldn’t agree more. Having had my fair share of car crashes, it’s good to finally know how great it feels to just be me and be loved and accepted for who I am and be able to share this with someone so openly. And to know that being open doesn’t mean sharing every little thought or feeling that passes, that being open and honest includes silent support through everything, that just being there is enough.
And now for a bit of cheese – in the words of Ronan Keating – please note, I am not a fan, just believe these lyrics ring true “you say it best, when you say nothing at all.” 🙂